托福TPO17独立写作求批!第一次独立完整写一篇独立写作,感觉题目Most advertisements make products seem much better then they really are还是挺难的,磨叽了超过半个小时才写出这么点字.其实随便拿到一篇题

托福TPO17独立写作求批!第一次独立完整写一篇独立写作,感觉题目Most advertisements make products seem much better then they really are还是挺难的,磨叽了超过半个小时才写出这么点字.其实随便拿到一篇题
托福TPO17独立写作求批!
第一次独立完整写一篇独立写作,感觉题目Most advertisements make products seem much better then they really are还是挺难的,磨叽了超过半个小时才写出这么点字.其实随便拿到一篇题目我都不知道该怎么写到500,哪怕有思路也不知道怎么再充字数.下面：
In the past decades, with the progress of technology and the development of society, advertisement has emerged on television and web in order to attract consumers. I am really glad about the statement that most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are.
Admittedly, some advertisements show pictures as same as product. As is known to all, fake and inferior commodities tremendously harm the interests of consumers. So a person who is fair and kindhearted will not use unreal advertisement to deceive consumers. If a company’s product is pretty good, they do not need excessive advertisements either. It will be greatly interesting and fascinating to consumers on account of its high quality. Big companies such as Apple Incorporated are well-known all over the world. They do not require much attention and concern in advertisement designing. Factual advertisements also can bring them a large amount of profit.
Nevertheless, it is indisputable that most true object is worse than when it is in picture. Understandably, businessmen use several approaches just for the sake of earn more money. Property is the main side on which people concentrate. To win the mercantile competition, company owners might use advertisements to demonstrate this. Virtually, it is an efficacious and significant method. Modern advance digital technique can make the images perfect tough the product is not. For example, KFC have issued a kind of food recently. The food is advertised on television. When I saw it on television, its appearance was nice and it seemed very delicious. Then I went to KFC and ordered this kind of food. To my astonished, it became reality and was not so tasty as I thought it would be. I am upset. I have to eat up all of the meal, it is difficult to me. I will never order this kind of food again.
There are various kinds of advertisements in our life. Some are true, some are fake. I think the fake advertisements culture should be gotten better for promoting the rational consumption and expense.
谢谢.

托福TPO17独立写作求批!第一次独立完整写一篇独立写作,感觉题目Most advertisements make products seem much better then they really are还是挺难的,磨叽了超过半个小时才写出这么点字.其实随便拿到一篇题
In the past decades,with the progress of technology and the development of society,advertisement has emerged on television and web in order to attract consumers.I am really glad 《about the statement 》有点累赘,最好去掉that most advertisements 《seem to》make products 《seem》放到前面去 much better than they really are.
Admittedly,some advertisements show pictures as same as product（这一句有点怪,如果是我,我会写成 pictures of genuin products）.///// As is known to all,fake and inferior commodities tremendously harm the interests of consumers.So a person who is fair and kindhearted will not use unreal advertisement to deceive consumers.////前两句可以合成一句话 If a company’s product is pretty good,they do not need excessive advertisements 《either》去掉./// It will be greatly interesting and fascinating to consumers on account of its high quality.我大概明白你想讲什么,但这句话非常奇怪///Big companies such as Apple Incorporated are well-known all over the world.They do not require much attention and concern in advertisement designing./////前面这两句可以合并Factual advertisements also can bring them a large amount of profit.这里为了更好的凸显你的论点,不妨改成（as long as the quality of products can satisfy the consummers,companies would make a profit even without advertisemets.）
Nevertheless,it is indisputable that most （true）改成real更好 （object)objects is worse than （when it is in picture）语法又点问题可以改成the picture showed in their advertisements./////Understandably,businessmen use several approaches just for the sake of （earn）earning more money.Property is the main side on which people concentrate.////前两句关联性不足To win the mercantile competition,company owners might use advertisements to demonstrate this这里this指代不是很明确,如果指的是前面说的赚钱是人们的第一考量这个事实的话,建议用前面那个句子替换掉这个this.Virtually,it is an efficacious and significant method.Modern advance digital technique can make the images perfect （tough）这里用while比较合适,不过句子还是有点怪怪的 the product is not.For example,///// KFC have issued a kind of food recently.The food is advertised on television.When I saw it on television,its appearance was nice and it seemed very delicious.Then I went to KFC and ordered this kind of food.To my astonished,it became reality and was not so tasty as I thought it would be.I am upset.I have to eat up all of the meal,it is difficult to me.I will never order this kind of food again////我建议这样写：I saw a commercial of a new product from KFC the other day,which seemed so delicious and apealling that I could not wait to try one；Desappointedly and angrily,however,I found that the real food was not merely less tasty than I thought to be,but in fact was difficult to swallow .这个例子句子太多太简单,其实稍微变一下就能成长句
////There are various kinds of advertisements in our life.Some are true,some are fake.////可合并I think the fake advertisements culture 《should be gotten》不太明白这是什么意思 better for promoting the rational consumption and expense.
整体来说用词不错,但是句子结构太简单,语法错误也稍微多了点,建议多注意一下句子之间关联词的运用.多多练习,希望你能取得好成绩!

第二段第二、三句结够混乱，第二句is删掉，第三句第二个is删掉。还是用简单清晰点的句吧，套得太累了。还有本应用tooso that ，so.that 的句子啊十分感谢啊，As is known to all的is没有吗？这是老师给的例句啊...还想问一下要求写400-500才能得高分吧，这篇有342个词，我花了好久才编出来的理由，半个小时我撑死写150字出来。...

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第二段第二、三句结够混乱，第二句is删掉，第三句第二个is删掉。还是用简单清晰点的句吧，套得太累了。还有本应用tooso that ，so.that 的句子

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