帮我改改雅思作文吧is it nature or nurture that plays a major role in the development of personlity?what is your opinion?In the modern world,nature or nurture which playing more significant role for children individual character has becoming

帮我改改雅思作文吧is it nature or nurture that plays a major role in the development of personlity?what is your opinion?In the modern world,nature or nurture which playing more significant role for children individual character has becoming
帮我改改雅思作文吧
is it nature or nurture that plays a major role in the development of personlity?what is your opinion?
In the modern world,nature or nurture which playing more significant role for children individual character has becoming a controversial issue
There is an great deal of people convinced that if children own the talent which beyond imagination ,it means you advancing others,and the nature talent can further you to a brighten future.For example,the teachers prefer to teach them rather than other students,it is because less time and energy be paid to the same utility.Nevertheless,the clever students can achieve more goals than others just spending the same time.As the result,this kind of children mostly be confidence,and cultivate better ability
On the other hand,the living environment and parenting as well as exert noticeable influence on the development of their personality.The school education and the social surroundings are the two main factors which affect their character.In the school time,varieties of people are studying together,they may be influenced by classmates and learn some good or bad things from them.Their changes become so fantastic.Whereas,the society is more complex than school or family,many challenge and opportunities are waiting for them.Nobody knows which choice will be chosen,or what personality will they build.
As far as I am concerned,although nature or nurture all exert supernatural influence on children,the nurture factors,environment of school and surroundings of society,play an major role to develop individual character
这只是很普通的一篇作文,无法和高分作文相比
我想知道我需要在哪方面下功夫,或是有哪些不足的地方需要改进

帮我改改雅思作文吧is it nature or nurture that plays a major role in the development of personlity?what is your opinion?In the modern world,nature or nurture which playing more significant role for children individual character has becoming
词汇量较小,把一些词组如For example改为for instance,还有句式尽量复杂,多用定语从句会好.还有像good\bad这种词不到万不得已千万别用,记住我说的,太低级的词不会给考官好印象.总之写作是一项长期积累的事情,多背单词后你就会发现你的文章质量上来了.